Jim and Luke,
I feel like I can adress just you two because if anyone does read this, it will be either of you freaks. Although over Memorial Day my cousin told me she reads my blog. I have no idea how she found out I have one. But, I have a feeling she has moved on to bigger and better things. This blog is going to suck because I am going to tell you what I have been up to lately. Mandy and I are officially moving to Milwaukee; we need to find an apartment. I work part-time at the golf course and part-time at the bank. I still hate the bank but it is bearable only work 4 hours. I can't wait for grad school. I officially don't have any internet at my house anymore. None. It totally sucks. Everytime we need to use the internet we have to go to a coffee shop, buy something, and use their internet.....and we are way poor. I really can't wait to move Milwaukee and start that part of my life. Sioux City stinks. Although we did meet a cool couple that we are going to miss. Sorry this isn't funny. Next time I have more time at a coffee house I will write something witty and funny and everyone will laugh out loud.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Almost good news, it might be.
Well there might be some good coming my way. Yesterday I put in my request to go part time at work. I know it doesn't sound cool or anything, but its a big deal to me. If this happens I will go part time at the bank and part time at a golf course i am working at. I am very excited. But, it all depends on whether they approve it or not. If they don't I may quit, I havn't deceided. I know this is a boring blog, but for someone who doesn't have friends around I get all my interaction through work and when work sucks I get depressed. Updates to come later if I am indeed going part time.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Tragic Sixth blog.
Last month our department had a contest running that was way sweet. On each team the person with the highest percentage in one call set over the course of one month won the contest. The winner of the contest got one paid full day off the phones, paid lunch of their choice, a movie of their choice, and $250 to spend wherever and however they want; all of the above happening in the company of their immediate supervisor. I don't want to bore you with the details of the contest but what it comes down to is that to win not only did you have to have the best stats, but you had to have a minimun percentage of goal. Needless to say my team sucks at their job. No one cares and every month we are at the bottom of the list in terms of production. But, I had the highest percentage on the team....but I didn't make goal. I was 3 sales short. Our team was the only team not to have a winner go on the shopping spree. But, I thought I would write about what I would have done had I won the team contest and actually cared and been good at my job. Keep in mind that no one on our team likes our supervisor and the whole day would have spent with them. One of the reasons we do bad is to piss him off because he is dumb.
- First I would have done lunch. I would have done one of two things. One, I might have gone to McDonalds. I can't imagine what my supervisor would say. He would hate to eat there. Sometimes he passes around forward emails that he receives about how bad McDonalds is for you. I would have gotten many many double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu. I would sit and watch my supervisor eat and then when he was done I would start my meal of only double cheeseburgers and make him watch me. I would eat as many as I could, excuse myself, and throw up in the bathroom. After that I would ask my supervisor for more money to one more. On our way out I would buy 10 double cheeseburgers for the road. I would also search the trash for empty cups so I could take home as much Coke as I could carry.
If I didn't do McDonalds, I probably would have gone to Red Lobster. When I was there I would have insisted that I pick out my own lobster. I would hand pick my lobster and insist that I watch the cook drop it into the boiling water. When the lobster was brought out I would burst into tears and say I can't eat the lobster since I was litterally the hand of death for the lobster. To make it up to all lobsters, I would have my supervisor buy me another, but instead of eating it there I would bring it home with me. When we got in my supervisor's car I would let it run free in the car and tell him I would call PETA if he complained.
- I also thought about what I would shop for. I really wanted to do what Luke and I wanted to do if we had won Ballyhoo. I would buy $250 worth of candy. I would buy the smallest candy so I could have so many. Or (I just thought of this) I would tell my supervisor to exchange the money for quarters and put the 1000 quarters into machines and collect the candy in plastic sacks. I would bring the candy to work, dump it all on my desk and put a sign on it that said "DO NOT TOUCH THIS IS MY WINNING CANDY. IT TASTES BETTER THAN ANY CANDY YOU WILL EVER HAVE. I BEAT YOU." Then I would eat candy all the time at my desk and never share any of it. Or, I would buy candy necklaces and shoot the candy at people as they walk buy...or ever talk to me without addresssing me as the glorious candy winner. Well, come to think of it, I would just make it rain every once in a while in the department. I would skip around the office and throw candy everywhere...making it rain.
- Seeing as this blog is longer than I thought it would be, I am going to stop. Please leave me comments about what I should have done that would have been funny. If there is enough stuff I will write another blog about it. Also I didn't proofread this blog, there are probably mistakes but I don't want to read what I wrote.
- First I would have done lunch. I would have done one of two things. One, I might have gone to McDonalds. I can't imagine what my supervisor would say. He would hate to eat there. Sometimes he passes around forward emails that he receives about how bad McDonalds is for you. I would have gotten many many double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu. I would sit and watch my supervisor eat and then when he was done I would start my meal of only double cheeseburgers and make him watch me. I would eat as many as I could, excuse myself, and throw up in the bathroom. After that I would ask my supervisor for more money to one more. On our way out I would buy 10 double cheeseburgers for the road. I would also search the trash for empty cups so I could take home as much Coke as I could carry.
If I didn't do McDonalds, I probably would have gone to Red Lobster. When I was there I would have insisted that I pick out my own lobster. I would hand pick my lobster and insist that I watch the cook drop it into the boiling water. When the lobster was brought out I would burst into tears and say I can't eat the lobster since I was litterally the hand of death for the lobster. To make it up to all lobsters, I would have my supervisor buy me another, but instead of eating it there I would bring it home with me. When we got in my supervisor's car I would let it run free in the car and tell him I would call PETA if he complained.
- I also thought about what I would shop for. I really wanted to do what Luke and I wanted to do if we had won Ballyhoo. I would buy $250 worth of candy. I would buy the smallest candy so I could have so many. Or (I just thought of this) I would tell my supervisor to exchange the money for quarters and put the 1000 quarters into machines and collect the candy in plastic sacks. I would bring the candy to work, dump it all on my desk and put a sign on it that said "DO NOT TOUCH THIS IS MY WINNING CANDY. IT TASTES BETTER THAN ANY CANDY YOU WILL EVER HAVE. I BEAT YOU." Then I would eat candy all the time at my desk and never share any of it. Or, I would buy candy necklaces and shoot the candy at people as they walk buy...or ever talk to me without addresssing me as the glorious candy winner. Well, come to think of it, I would just make it rain every once in a while in the department. I would skip around the office and throw candy everywhere...making it rain.
- Seeing as this blog is longer than I thought it would be, I am going to stop. Please leave me comments about what I should have done that would have been funny. If there is enough stuff I will write another blog about it. Also I didn't proofread this blog, there are probably mistakes but I don't want to read what I wrote.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Fifth Blog, Freaks!!!
Well I think it is a perfect time to write this blog. Enough time has passed and people have hopefully forgotten about my blog. Anyway, I haven't quit my credit card job because I don't have a job yet that can provide enough hours. Once/if I find that job I will use all of your suggestions and make my last day glorious. Besides that, this passed weekend saw my wife and I travel to Milwaukee for her job interview. If she gets the job we will move to the rather large city and I will start graduate school....hopefully by that time I will be black listed from credit card jobs because of my performance on my last day in Sioux City. Here is a list of things that I wished would have happened to us while we were in Milwaukee...
1. Drink a local brew and a local brewery. Instead we choose a restaurant that looked local and when I asked what was the most popular local brew, the waitress responded by saying, "well, um...this is actually a nation-wide chain." Needless to say I was embarrassed so I ordered a national brew and enjoyed non-special ribs.
2. I wanted to meet Prince Fielder/Brett Favre/or that tall Chinese basketball player. Instead we meet a dude on the street that asked my wife if she always refused to shake hands with a black man.
3. I wanted local cheese. I didn't get any. However, I did eat a pretzel when we were in Madison.
4. Casey TerBeest makes Milwaukee sound like heaven. Thus, I wanted to see angels helping old people across the street and a fountain of local brew that was free to all. Well, Casey was wrong. But come to think of it, I guess we didn't go to the Miller factory so maybe there is a fountain there.
5. Lastly, since both Joel and Casey are both from Wisconsin, I thought for sure that something bizarre was going to happen to me. Everything that is wierd happens to Joel and I never really thought Casey was quite with it. But alas, nothing bizarre happened. Which, in effect, makes this blog really boring. So, if I suddenly have less friends because of this blog I am blaming Joel and Casey. Thanks for nothing you two.
1. Drink a local brew and a local brewery. Instead we choose a restaurant that looked local and when I asked what was the most popular local brew, the waitress responded by saying, "well, um...this is actually a nation-wide chain." Needless to say I was embarrassed so I ordered a national brew and enjoyed non-special ribs.
2. I wanted to meet Prince Fielder/Brett Favre/or that tall Chinese basketball player. Instead we meet a dude on the street that asked my wife if she always refused to shake hands with a black man.
3. I wanted local cheese. I didn't get any. However, I did eat a pretzel when we were in Madison.
4. Casey TerBeest makes Milwaukee sound like heaven. Thus, I wanted to see angels helping old people across the street and a fountain of local brew that was free to all. Well, Casey was wrong. But come to think of it, I guess we didn't go to the Miller factory so maybe there is a fountain there.
5. Lastly, since both Joel and Casey are both from Wisconsin, I thought for sure that something bizarre was going to happen to me. Everything that is wierd happens to Joel and I never really thought Casey was quite with it. But alas, nothing bizarre happened. Which, in effect, makes this blog really boring. So, if I suddenly have less friends because of this blog I am blaming Joel and Casey. Thanks for nothing you two.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Fourth blog, first one I am excited about.
Ok, so here is the deal. I had four comments on my last blog. A nice spike in my usual one person--i.e. Luke--readership. But, I realize I shouldn't be so excited because I forced Jim to read my blog, I don't think Dan will really remember my blog much less remember how to get to it, lastly my sister definitly has better things to do. Anyway, I am way excited about this blog because it could real implications soon. I work for a major credit card company. I hate it. All day I help customers fill out applications ( i know it sounds boring...it is more boring than you think). However, one very bright spot is the fact that I am going to quit soon. Below is a list of things I want to do/say to my customers on my last day. These are things I may do, what do you think...should I?
1. When customers call they have to give me their SSN (obviously, it is a credit card). Sometimes AFTER they give it to me they say, "wait this is secure, right." I would love to say "Absolutly.....not," and then hang up the phone.
2. If a customer has no plans to apply, and just call to be an idiot (and believe me, it happens very often), I want to say "Thank you so much for wasting my time. And I hope the rest of your life is just as worthless," then of course, hang up on them. Needless to say a buddy of mine said that to a customer, and randomly was being listened to. He had to sign an "action plan" to improve his professionalism.
3. Our card is a sub-prime card for people with "credit challenges in the past" ( a professional and legal way to say that your credit is terrible). As a result our credit limits are low; which turns off some customers. When customers call and ask "what is my credit limit?" I would love to say, "at least 5,000 or maybe 10,000. We want to give you a huge limit because you are so responsible. Actually you know what Mr. Customer, what do you want. What do you think you deserve? I know you are badass and will probably re-finanace your sweet ride. What do you need?" I am pretty sure if I said that, and they reviewed that call the same day, they would walk me out the door.
4. I am not exaggerating when I say every other customer is very rude. I think the rude customers need to know how much I don't appreciate their rudeness. I would like to be just as rude. Some things I could do include eating snacks with my mouth open while on the phone with customer. Maybe I could point out to the customer that they are rude. I could ask them why they are rude, ask them if their day has been just unbearable, ask them if their life sucks as much as it sounds like it does, ask them if it is their fault that their credit is terrible or if the world is just out to get them. Keep in mine those would be said with sarcasm so extreme I would have to mute my phone between questions so I could laugh out loud. Lastly, I would never push the mute button on my phone. Then the customer could hear what I say to my neighbors about them. That would be so funny.
If I could do all of that, it would make my months there worth the hell.....almost.
1. When customers call they have to give me their SSN (obviously, it is a credit card). Sometimes AFTER they give it to me they say, "wait this is secure, right." I would love to say "Absolutly.....not," and then hang up the phone.
2. If a customer has no plans to apply, and just call to be an idiot (and believe me, it happens very often), I want to say "Thank you so much for wasting my time. And I hope the rest of your life is just as worthless," then of course, hang up on them. Needless to say a buddy of mine said that to a customer, and randomly was being listened to. He had to sign an "action plan" to improve his professionalism.
3. Our card is a sub-prime card for people with "credit challenges in the past" ( a professional and legal way to say that your credit is terrible). As a result our credit limits are low; which turns off some customers. When customers call and ask "what is my credit limit?" I would love to say, "at least 5,000 or maybe 10,000. We want to give you a huge limit because you are so responsible. Actually you know what Mr. Customer, what do you want. What do you think you deserve? I know you are badass and will probably re-finanace your sweet ride. What do you need?" I am pretty sure if I said that, and they reviewed that call the same day, they would walk me out the door.
4. I am not exaggerating when I say every other customer is very rude. I think the rude customers need to know how much I don't appreciate their rudeness. I would like to be just as rude. Some things I could do include eating snacks with my mouth open while on the phone with customer. Maybe I could point out to the customer that they are rude. I could ask them why they are rude, ask them if their day has been just unbearable, ask them if their life sucks as much as it sounds like it does, ask them if it is their fault that their credit is terrible or if the world is just out to get them. Keep in mine those would be said with sarcasm so extreme I would have to mute my phone between questions so I could laugh out loud. Lastly, I would never push the mute button on my phone. Then the customer could hear what I say to my neighbors about them. That would be so funny.
If I could do all of that, it would make my months there worth the hell.....almost.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Third blog, doubtfully not the last, but still a little premature (part 2)
Here is the thing, this is my second take at this blog. I had to delete the previous third blog. As I explained in the rough draft of the blog, I have recently posted my blog link on my facebook page. As a result I am expecting a huge 300-400 percent jump in my blog readers (which correlates to about a total of 5 readers). Because of this huge spike in numbers I wanted to make sure that the blog was way sweet and actually worth reading; a slight variation from my previous blogs. Needless to say my first attempt was an absolute failure. I read it over and noticed my blogs' ability to repel readers. That gave me time to completely rid cyberspace of any hint that I had actually written it. What I am trying to say is that I did it, I deleted it and this is my second attempt at blogging mastery. However, as I look back at what I had intended to write I realized it wasn't really that much. My blog had two main points 1) My first point is simple. My blog page as well as my facebook page are ridiculously ugly. My facebook page looks like a art project in an elementary school. I have lots of stuff on it, but it is not organized or placed for any sort of aesthetic value. My wife calls me the facebook queen. Whether or not that is true I feel as though my pages should look better and be represented as pages suited for queens. So, please leave me some comments about either my facebook page or my blog page and inform the unoffical facebook queen how their page should look. Although if your name is Jim Ellis, don't bother. 2) My second point is simple. I wanted to give a list of things I might cover in future blogs. The hope is that the list will be so sweet that my readers will want to read blogs I post in the future. Here is the list:
- Top 10 things Mardy didn't think about when she started dating Jim Ellis.
- What I would do with a lot of money
- My job
- My top 10 funniest friends
- Why I need more hobbies
- Why Luke and I are meant to have a radio show and why anyone with a sense of purpose would want to listen to us
- Top 10 things Mardy didn't think about when she started dating Jim Ellis.
- What I would do with a lot of money
- My job
- My top 10 funniest friends
- Why I need more hobbies
- Why Luke and I are meant to have a radio show and why anyone with a sense of purpose would want to listen to us
Monday, March 17, 2008
Second and possible last blog.
Well my experiment did not work because I have evidence that one person read my first blog. Luke put a comment on my blog.....how embarrasing. Hopefully enough time has passed where he won't read this one and I have time to advance my blogging skills. Anyway, I have a funny story. I work for a major credit card company being thier bitch and sometimes getting distracted by the shiny objects they put in front of me to take my mind off how bad my job actually sucks. Anyway, once a month we have recognition meetings. This month I got picked to do some trivia with a reward if I show them my knowledge. Well, needless to say, I got the answer right and I received my reward. I was about to be in credit card bliss if they were going to give me tickets to the "might as well be high school" amateur hockey team here in Sioux City. Anyway, that is not what I got. Instead I got two tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters. That's right, the Harlem Globetrotters. I get to watch them twirl balls and play a local Junior Varsity team. But, even though that was bad enough, they gave me tickets to them for a Monday night at 7. Problem is my hours are from 2:45 - 11:15. Are you kidding me? I won frickin tickets and I have to take work off to see guys pretend to play basketball. What a kick in the face. I wish there were a way for me to wipe those stupid grims off my managers faces when they pretended to look excited for me when I won those tickets. Maybe before I quit I will hold my own recognition meeting and give my managers a chance to win a tirp to my apartment where they can plunge my toilet after I leave a Cleveland steamer in it. Maybe I'll put that in the suggestion box they pretend to look at.
P.S. I really want to start adding pictures etc. to my blog. I don't know how. I bet my elementary aged cousin could, but I can't. But, I bet she can't win St. Patrick's Day trivia and win worthless tickets.....so I guess I have her beat there. If anyone wants to leave a comment and tell me how would be greatly appreciated. I really just don't want to try again.
P.S. I really want to start adding pictures etc. to my blog. I don't know how. I bet my elementary aged cousin could, but I can't. But, I bet she can't win St. Patrick's Day trivia and win worthless tickets.....so I guess I have her beat there. If anyone wants to leave a comment and tell me how would be greatly appreciated. I really just don't want to try again.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
First and hopefully not last blog.
Well, here I am in the electronic age writing my first blog. My friends Luke and Jim have created blogs and even though Jim's is awful, Luke's is rather funny. Needless to say I wanted a piece of that action. I created this blog a while ago however I have never had the guts to actually write my first blog. To tell the truth, I wanted to write a blog that was awesome. I wanted my debut blog to be funny, outrageous and for an editor of publishing house to see it and inform me I am going to make millions. What took me so long is I could never figure out what to write about it. If you know me, you probably know I am boring and not too creative. But, since this is my first blog no one will read it anyway, so I figured it wouldn't matter what I write about. Kind of how no one watches Carson Daly after Leno and Conan because they have had two hours to realize that other people aren't that funny and the trashy Budweiser can looked like a better time.
(Budwesier can Picture was suppose to be here. It was suppose to look trashy)
Since I spend a lot of time by myself in my apartment because of my crappy job hours, I really need things to spend my time doing. Lately, I have wanted to spend my time on the internet....but I don't know what sites to go to. Yes, I realize there are hundreds, maybe even millions of site I can go to, but I don't know where to go. When I usually log on I go to about five sites after my email. Most include sports and a couple don't. After I visit my faithful sites sometimes I sit in front of my computer for a couple minutes trying to think of sites I can visit. I usually throw my laptop across the room in disgust because I feel like I should be able to be addicted to the internet like I want to be. If anyone has ideas, you can always give me some strategies on how I can waste my time on the internet.
Well, sorry to waste your time the past five minutes you took to read my first blog. Hopefully next time it will be funny and you will want to tell your friends. Seriously, though as I read over what I wrote I realize it really was pointless...sorry about that. You should read Jim's. Maybe sometime I will jazz up my page with words and and pictues etc. But, that is only if I end up writing more and if anybody actually shows up and reads this crap.
(Budwesier can Picture was suppose to be here. It was suppose to look trashy)
Since I spend a lot of time by myself in my apartment because of my crappy job hours, I really need things to spend my time doing. Lately, I have wanted to spend my time on the internet....but I don't know what sites to go to. Yes, I realize there are hundreds, maybe even millions of site I can go to, but I don't know where to go. When I usually log on I go to about five sites after my email. Most include sports and a couple don't. After I visit my faithful sites sometimes I sit in front of my computer for a couple minutes trying to think of sites I can visit. I usually throw my laptop across the room in disgust because I feel like I should be able to be addicted to the internet like I want to be. If anyone has ideas, you can always give me some strategies on how I can waste my time on the internet.
Well, sorry to waste your time the past five minutes you took to read my first blog. Hopefully next time it will be funny and you will want to tell your friends. Seriously, though as I read over what I wrote I realize it really was pointless...sorry about that. You should read Jim's. Maybe sometime I will jazz up my page with words and and pictues etc. But, that is only if I end up writing more and if anybody actually shows up and reads this crap.
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