Post 10 - My friends in the 'Bachelorette' - Part 1.

So last night my wife was watching the season premier of the Bachelorette. Naturally, I also watched about half of it. But the thing is I get frustrated watching those shows because there are no dudes on that show that are real dudes. They are all model looking dudes who are pretty much retired by the age of 30 because they are rich beyond belief. There are no real dudes on the show. That led to my thinking about how well an actual dude would do...probably not too well. That thought led me to thinking about my friends, who are all cool dudes. I got to wondering how my friends would do on the show. Again if one of my friends was alone with 25 other idiot rich guys, they probably wouldn't do too well. But what if my dude friends were the only ones on the show? How would they do? This post is me exploring what my friends would do on the show to impress the girl on the first night in order to get through the first rose ceremony. I am going to be the annoying host. Also, I am only going to use my college friends, because the two people who are going to read this are both college dudes.

I am going to explore the first night; which includes an initial greeting after the guys get out of a limo, one-on-one time with the chick, mingle time with other dudes, and the rose ceremony. I'll call the girl Amy because that is a short name to write.

Dan Taylor - When Dan first gets out of the limo to meet Amy he is wearing Chucks, cargo shorts, and a button down short sleeve shirt. He steps up to her and says, "hey I'm Dan Taylor, but my friends call me Dan 'the frickin man' Taylor." Me, as the host, then steps in and says, "actually his name is Dan 'downtown gay porn' Taylor." Dan tells me to get the fuck out of there and then shakes hands with Amy. Dan then tells her she is not fat and that's definitly his "cool ass style."
Dan then goes in the house looking for the drinks. He immediatly fixes himself a triple White Russian and downs it because no one is watching. He then fixes another triple and drinks most of it and looks over as Jim Ellis comes in the room, the next contestant. Dan says, "Jim, what are you doing here, I thought you were gay." Dan laughs and spills most his drink, finishes what is left, and promptly makes himself another White Russian. At this point Dan is feeling really tipsy and really funny at the same time.
As soon as the other dude contestants get in the room I, as the host, tell everyone that the rose ceremony is in three hours so they need to get as much alone time with Amy in, or Amy is going to send their asses home. Dan feels as though being first would be the best option becuase then he wouldn't have to talk to her for the rest of the night. Dan quickly wisps Amy into a private room and begins the charming process.
Dan deceides to break the ice with a harmless question, "So Amy, how did you get so hot?" Dan listens intently as she giggles and gets that googly look in her face. Dan then gets really confused when she starts touching his red curly hair. Amy tells Dan he is really cute and has an amazing smile. Dan then tells Amy to stop freaking him out. Amy then gets a look in her eye that says, "Dan, I don't know why, but I think you are amazing." Dan then sees something shiny out of the corner of his eye. It's a nice brand-new dollar coin. What Dan didn't notice was Jim placing it there in order to distract Dan. Dan then hears a girl say, "Amy let's leave Dan with his dollar." Dan looks over and realizes the voice belongs to Jim Ellis. Dan says, "Damn it Jim, you are an idiot." Dan gets up, kicks Jim in the nuts, picks up the coin, and makes his way back inside and makes himself a White Russian.
When Dan gets back inside he sees Steve Pike in the corner playing Super Nintendo.....

Ok, so next post I'll write about what happens to Jim Ellis and Steve Pike when they compete against Dan in the bachelorette. By the way, Dan if you are reading this I hope you didn't get offended. In all honesty you are probably the funniest guys I know. I do really want you to go on the show. I know you were drinking quite a bit, but who wouldn't if there were free White Russians....