Ok, so here is the deal. I had four comments on my last blog. A nice spike in my usual one person--i.e. Luke--readership. But, I realize I shouldn't be so excited because I forced Jim to read my blog, I don't think Dan will really remember my blog much less remember how to get to it, lastly my sister definitly has better things to do. Anyway, I am way excited about this blog because it could real implications soon. I work for a major credit card company. I hate it. All day I help customers fill out applications ( i know it sounds boring...it is more boring than you think). However, one very bright spot is the fact that I am going to quit soon. Below is a list of things I want to do/say to my customers on my last day. These are things I may do, what do you think...should I?
1. When customers call they have to give me their SSN (obviously, it is a credit card). Sometimes AFTER they give it to me they say, "wait this is secure, right." I would love to say "Absolutly.....not," and then hang up the phone.
2. If a customer has no plans to apply, and just call to be an idiot (and believe me, it happens very often), I want to say "Thank you so much for wasting my time. And I hope the rest of your life is just as worthless," then of course, hang up on them. Needless to say a buddy of mine said that to a customer, and randomly was being listened to. He had to sign an "action plan" to improve his professionalism.
3. Our card is a sub-prime card for people with "credit challenges in the past" ( a professional and legal way to say that your credit is terrible). As a result our credit limits are low; which turns off some customers. When customers call and ask "what is my credit limit?" I would love to say, "at least 5,000 or maybe 10,000. We want to give you a huge limit because you are so responsible. Actually you know what Mr. Customer, what do you want. What do you think you deserve? I know you are badass and will probably re-finanace your sweet ride. What do you need?" I am pretty sure if I said that, and they reviewed that call the same day, they would walk me out the door.
4. I am not exaggerating when I say every other customer is very rude. I think the rude customers need to know how much I don't appreciate their rudeness. I would like to be just as rude. Some things I could do include eating snacks with my mouth open while on the phone with customer. Maybe I could point out to the customer that they are rude. I could ask them why they are rude, ask them if their day has been just unbearable, ask them if their life sucks as much as it sounds like it does, ask them if it is their fault that their credit is terrible or if the world is just out to get them. Keep in mine those would be said with sarcasm so extreme I would have to mute my phone between questions so I could laugh out loud. Lastly, I would never push the mute button on my phone. Then the customer could hear what I say to my neighbors about them. That would be so funny.
If I could do all of that, it would make my months there worth the hell.....almost.
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5 comments:
you comment on my blog demonstrates a lack of understanding of Lost island.
I would also suggest, putting customers on hold and when you return pretend to be a resturant.
Or if you could possibly do this, put two costumers on a conference call with one another and then mute your line and let them figure out what is going on.
or you could start doing crude humor. Like fart in the phone.
The good ol' fart never gets old.
ps. I really wanted to tell you this yesterday, but you said I had to comment...
Thomas: I found your blog. You told me about it, and I found it. Now I'm commenting, which according to Mandy, makes you really excited. So here goes:
1. Definitely eat snacks with your mouth open, loud crunchy snacks like Gardettos.
2. Ask them to repeat things, especially highly personal or embarassing stuff. Then repeat it back to them incorrectly.
3. Both of Luke's ideas made me laugh so hard i got tears in my eyes, so do his ideas first.
4. Inform rude customers that they are also receiving free enrollment in phone etiquette training, which must be completed before they receive approval for the card.
5. Develop an accent half way through the conversation, perhaps a German accent, gradually increasing the thickness until your words are unintelligible.
-I wish i could have your job for one day so that I could do this stuff myself.
can you please hurry up and write another blog...
So, I am now up to date on your blog, and I suppose that my post will create a record for postings on one blog. Congrats!
And a further note, NEVER listen to any advice Jim gives you on how to be funny.
Oh, and I like the list you had on your previous blog... you should work your way down that list. I am interested.
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